I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
