we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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