Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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