3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
