I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize