just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
