you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
