you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
