The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
