What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
