I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
