Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to make out with him forever
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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