I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Holy shit dude........stairs
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