hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
