There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
