Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
