this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
