We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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