So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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