Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
