What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
