Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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