i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
