Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
