Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just high enough for therapy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
