I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize