The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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