rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
