Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.