sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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