Capitaan dildo arrescate!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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