Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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