I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
