ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
