Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
