Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
