if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
