Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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