Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
