just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
