My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
