i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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