Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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