Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
