so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
