I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
