wakey wakey hands off snakey
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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