I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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