This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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