What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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