i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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