Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
