I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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