Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
