Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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