We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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