my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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