Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
