i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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