I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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