We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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