Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
