Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
