I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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