What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
