My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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