And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
