He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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