you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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