get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
