we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
