The maid of honor just puked.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
