Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
