I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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