There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
