I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
