is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
