that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found your dick twin last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
